The most frustrating part of fully surrendering to the Lord is the confusion while awaiting your breakthrough. It’s here where you want to give up and go back to what you know and can control. It’s also at this point, where you know that if you give up in the waiting period, you’re right back to where you don’t want to be. A purposeless life.
So what do you do? Do you wait in the agony of not being able to control your outcomes? Or revert back to your old life where you had no real sense of purpose. Constantly seeking more from life. I’ve come to this place so many times before, and every single time, I have bailed and ran right back to what I know and can control. But I always, always felt like I quit on the best God had in store for me at the time. And this decision, my friend, is filled with regret and remorse, and the agony hereof far outweighs the agony of being in God’s waiting room of destiny.
The waiting room God calls us to, as we embark on a journey of purpose, is where we become real frustrated and agitated because we feel like nothing is happening. It’s the complete opposite of what we are used to. Waking up knowing that not so long ago, I had a routine in my life that was filled with obligations that yielded no results whatsoever. I mean, I would wake up and not even have breakfast. Drop my son at school and then off to an office space I rented, which was against my better judgement in the first place. It was a costly and unnecessary monthly obligation. All for the sake of feeling like I was on the path of success.
I would then begin doing work which also, was not profitable and worthy of my time only for the sake of feeling accomplished and reassuring myself I had a job, more specifically, that I was an entrepreneur on my way up. But no real fruit! I did this for five years before Covid-19, and after covid, I had to start all over again. I had the wind kicked out of me. I though I could pick-up again, with renewed zest. But no, it would prove futile in the end! I could not get myself going again. Started another two businesses but again, no real reward, no fruit and only more frustration and ultimately more stress than I had ever known before! I must however state that it hasn’t all been bad. I’ve had some good years and amazing clients over the years, by Gods amazing grace.
But for the most part, I released!!! I gave up! I called out to God in a last and desperate attempt to get clarity on why my efforts, which by the way spanned seven years and was not lacklustre in anyway. I really gave my all! Why my efforts were not getting me any results. Why my life felt stagnate and I wasn’t really progressing or going anywhere. I also wasn’t able to tangibly measure my results and even worse, I earnestly could not account for the last seven years of my life as an entrepreneur.
However, I surrendered nonetheless. I found myself constantly questioning God in my surrender to Him: Why was I failing? What did I do wrong? Did I sin? Am I subject to a generational curse? A whole lot of Christianesse nonsense really. But in the moments they were valid. I felt no reprieve and most certainly wanted to be justified for questioning God, but no! This was all too shallow for my Father. My questions were not the right questions to be asking God at this junction of my life. It was filled with self! I was still in control even in surrender to God. Moaning and crying, stomping my feet in anguish. I think I quit! And finally, I mean finally released all rights to my life and gave it back to the author.
I managed to surrender and gave up all I knew how to do and have learnt these last seven, going on eight years. Finally God was in control. What an exercise!!! Releasing control to my life was probably the most difficult thing to do in the entire universe! I somehow managed to do it and can’t even say I know how!? It’s here where I somehow found a silent peace I didn’t know existed. I was still anxious but not like before. I seemed to be getting more and more confident that God knew what He was doing and was finally in control. I had managed to hand my life over to Him and His peace had confounded my anguish and He was now transferring my mind over to His wavelengths. Not without nervous anxiety of course.
What does this mean for me now? I had relinquished all I had learned and know how to do. I was completely flaccid in my soul and seeking rigidity from everywhere but to no avail. Until this day! The new year had literally just begun and I was without actual work and fervour for anything, watching endless YouTube videos. I stood up from my couch and slumber and walked outside to be with my sons playing in the sand. And picked up my phone and started to write. It was calming. It was refreshing and I kinda liked transferring my experiences and thoughts onto paper, well a digital paper I mean. But suffice to say I was enjoying this. Writing about how my complete surrender to The Father has rendered me into a complete state of rest and it was unlike anything I have ever known. I think I am finally beginning to understand, or at least I hope so. Being in total surrender to God, relinquishing all rights to be in control is not an exercise of works but rather one of grace. There’s an age-old adage that says. Hitting rock bottom only means that there’s one place left to go… and that’s up!
Transitioning from your old life to His renewed plan for your life does somewhat come at a cost. It’s going to wreck your understanding of what it means to surrender. Complete and total surrender is not simply what we believe to do. Perhaps to some of us it looks like this: Closing the door behind you, getting down on your knees and saying “Lord, I surrender all” perhaps you even have some amazing worship playing in the background for charismatic effect. No my friend, surrendering your life to Christ is simply understanding and resolving in your heart and mind that He only has the best in store for me and I am preparing myself to wait for this. In total surrender to our Lord and saviour, we allow His grace to supernaturally take over our lives and in doing so, He fills us with hope for our future. He has a plan in place for our lives and this plan has a bombardment of prosperity, without harm. Jeremiah 29 verse 11.
My hope for you today, is to encourage you to know and believe that in your surrender to the Lord, you’re not going to come out second best. In fact, quite the complete opposite is true. You’re going to come out with more than you had anticipated or even bargained for. He always does exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can ask or even think, according to the power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3 verse 20. For you to know that surrendering to Jesus is relinquishing the rights to always be in control of your outcomes and allowing Him to fill your thoughts and set your heart at peace for the way forward. In this, He will perfectly lie you down in green pastures; guide you in paths of righteousness and safely lead you next to peaceful streams, refreshing your soul all for His name sake. Psalm 23 verses 1-3.
My friend, be encouraged today that giving your life to Jesus is surely the best thing one could ever do, reaching for a life filled with purpose and worthy of Him who had called you to everlasting rest here on earth. Be blessed.
Prayer.
Lord, it hasn’t been easy for me to completely give all over to you but I thank you today for reminding me of your perfected grace at play in my life. That your grace will do a work in my life, that I could never have ever dreamed of. Today I release in Jesus name all rights to my life and hand it completely over to you. The author of my life. Amen!